Fast Five Movie Review

I’m not the best person to be reviewing a fifth film in a series I’ve barely watched, but screw it, I’m doing it anyway. The first film I watched at a friend’s place in fast forward, only stopping to look at fast cars and half naked women (I guess I pretty much watched all of the first one); the second in the series, I didn’t even watch; the third, did anyone watch? The fourth I watched, but was disgusted by the amount of CGI and finally, the fifth.

Fast Five is a type of movie where you turn your brain off, the only problem is the movie is so long you get brain damage.

Short nitty-gritty plot description from IMDb is as follows: Dominic and his crew find themselves on the wrong side of the law once again as they try to switch lanes between a ruthless drug lord and a relentless federal agent. 

Fast Five exists in a world where cars can survive unimaginable damage, characters that are necessary to the plot can survive a mile long fall into water ( if you’re not important, you’re dead by a stray bullet) and finally beaches in this film must have some sort of body weight restrictions, as there isn’t an overweight person in sight. That’s all trivial stuff and not what you’re watching this movie for. If you want physics defying chases and hot woman in skimpy bikinis, then this movie is definitely what you’re looking for. The movie goes from action scene to action scene, racing past some sort of plot.

Nothing special can be said on the main stars of the film, Paul Walker and Vin Diesel. These people have been playing the roles for awhile, so if you’ve seen the previous films, you can look forward to the same brooding stares from Vin Diesel and cock-eyed smile from Paul Walker. Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson’s character, I’m not sure his name, so I’ll call him Vin Diesel’s Evil Twin (the only thing that separates them is a goatee), is as cheesy as can be. Plus he sweats a lot! He has some ridiculous lines, but you can tell he was having fun with the role.

Really it’s just a forgettable action movie with a picturesque setting, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. They’ve changed the style of the film into some sort of hybrid action/heist/drama, with some fast cars. Long gone are the days of races from the first, second and third one. Now instead of racing to the finish line, they race to the next action scene. For example, one scene in particular makes you think you’re going to see a sweet race, but just before it happens, it skips to the next scene and the race is over. Sorry race fans, maybe next time.

Conclusion time! This is a strange one. The action was interesting, but fans of the previous films may feel cheated on the lack of racing. For me it was way to long and way to cheesy and over the top. Still, I give it a recommend just based on seeing how much Evil Twin Vin sweats.

Evil Twin Vin faces off, just moments before exploding into a ball of sweat.


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11 years ago

Haha! The whole movie I was wondering why The Rock had a stupid-looking goatee, but now I know it's so the audience can tell Vin Diesel apart from evil twin Vin Diesel! Although the sweat might have been enough…

Sadly, I actually saw the third Fast & Furious movie in theatres… With Shannon.

Paul Walker = HOT and that's all I really need to know about this film! Haha!

Michael Tatlock
Michael Tatlock
11 years ago

I'm glad to hear you think Paul Walker is hot. If that's all this film needs, you're good to go.

Hmm, that sentence makes me look like I think Paul Walker is hot.

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