Welcome to the first of many Chop 10 lists for a variety of different life altering subjects. We’re starting this series off with my Chop 10 Friday the 13th Jason Voorhees kills. There are a ton of Jason Kills and this list is in no way definitive, but these are my personal favourites. I know how different people’s opinions can be, so please don’t hesitate to leave a comment below with your favourites.
So let’s get on with this gory list of kills (in somewhat of a no particular order). Remember, there be spoilers ahead…
10: Wheelchair, meet stairway to heaven (Friday the 13th Part II) Poor Mark. Poor, poor Mark. If being in a wheelchair wasn’t punishment enough, Mark had to get a machete to the face and fall backwards down some stairs, just minutes before he was about to get some sexy love making time with a hot camp counsellor. That’s just cruel Jason. At least you could’ve had the decency to wait ’til after.
9: Jason Voorhees: Licensed Chiropractor (Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives) Sheriff Michael Garris, when the man who killed Jason Voorhees says Jason’s back from the dead, listen to him. No, you had to be a hotshot and try to save the day yourself. You know what happens when you try that? This happens…
8: An eye opening experience (Friday the 13th Part III) Rick, what can I say about Rick? Sweet, sweet, tender Rick. He’s blind love for Chris (who can blame him, she’s hot) ended up costing him his life and eyeball. If you were still alive Rick, I would tell you to keep an eye out for those crazy chicks, but I can’t, cause you’re dead.
7: Don’t lose your head, or else you’re dead(Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan)
Julius, your mad skills of boxing allowed you to pick up skanky high school girls on a cruise, but nothing could prepare you for a one on one with Jason Voorhees. You put up a good fight Julius, but in the end, you got in over your head.
6: Spear gun kill, with some style (Friday the 13th Part III) Vera, you’re a bitch for turning Shelly down. You do however get the honour of being the first to get killed while Jason wears the now infamous hockey mask. You’re still a bitch though.
5: Don’t forget to make up your bed (Freddy vs Jason) Trey, you’re a sleazy dirtbag, but I don’t think anyone deserves to get stabbed in the back 10 times and then folded up in a bed. Jason on the other hand thought you did.
4: Ted! Where’s the corkscrew?!? (Friday the 13th Part IV: The Final Chapter)
Jimmy, your mind-boggling skills on the dance floor bagged you a hot twin in the bedroom. Count yourself lucky that Jason didn’t do you in before you got a chance to do the horizontal dance, like our poor ol’ friend Mark.
3: Sleeping bag, meet tree (Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood) Judy, I’m not sure if you thought hiding in your sleeping bag would make the monster go away, or you’re just extremely dense. Either way, your death has entertained us all. For that Judy, we forgive you.
2: Frozen face, meet counter (Jason X) Adrienne, you know you shouldn’t turn your back on a couple centuries old thawing out Jason Voorhees. You especially shouldn’t turn your back when you have a sink full of liquid nitrogen close by. Common sense Adrienne,
1: Screaming face, meet side of RV (Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives) Nikki, your choice of music to make love to was certainly interesting, but your taste in men leave a lot to be desired. For that, Jason spared you a life time of regret.